A Bongstitution


Many consider a blunt, joint, or any other type of preroll to be the best way to smoke weed. For the record, I’m in total agreement; there’s nothing better than smoking up at a nice location with a fat blunt, or a tight j after a long day. But not all of us are rolling in the green (multiple puns intended). Rolling something up every time you smoke is a great way to become your dealer’s #1 customer. Not to mention, you don’t always want to go through the process of rolling up, instead sometimes you just want a quick and easy high. That’s where bongs come in: quick, easy, and efficient, the bong is one of a stoner’s most powerful tools. Sure, sometimes the water can be a little dirty, your roommate may not have ashed their last bowl, or you accidentally take a huge f**king pull. But hey, life isn’t perfect, and neither are bongs. They come in all different shapes and sizes and each serves its own unique purpose, so take a look at the pros and cons of smoking these three popular bongs.  


Let’s start off with the classic bong, the kind of bong everyone thinks of when the word “bong” pops into your head: the beaker bong. This piece gets its name from the fact that it looks like a lab beaker, with a flared out base connecting to a long tube. The beaker bong’s shape creates a wider center of gravity to avoid tipping and makes it more difficult to knock over, making it ideal for people with roommates, or for anyone who constantly has people in and out. The shape also comes in handy as it prevents water from rising too high in the tube and giving you a disgusting bong kiss that’ll mess up any good sesh. However, let’s get to the good stuff, the real reason anyone buys a beaker bong, because you can take fat f**king hits. The large base allows for you to milk the bong until there is huge dense smoke filling up the entire volume of the bong. There is no standard bong that will allow you to take hits like this. These are best used for when you’re in a big group; passing around the beaker bong is a great way to make sure everyone in the sesh gets slouched.


A percolated bong is, surprise, surprise, a bong that contains one or more percolators. A percolator is an added filter inside of a bong that creates a smoother, more pleasant smoking experience. Percolators filter and lengthen the path of the smoke through the bong; this cools the smoke down before you inhale it, allowing for a clean, easy pull. If you hit these the right way, you can avoid the huge coughing storm that can sometimes come after a big beaker bong rip. Quality comes at a price though, there are many different types of percs, some are simple, while others are very complex, either way, they are a b*tch to clean. If you buy one of these make sure you have cleaning solution and are using it regularly, or else you are going to have some bad tasting smoke. Another thing too look out for is the fragility of these bongs. As I said some of the percs can be very complex with lots of small pieces that break extremely easily. If you are going to buy a percolated bong I would recommend a case or protective bag to go along with it. The percolated bong is definitely most ideal as a personal piece. Passing it around constantly is risky with all of those fragile percs, and having tons of people smoke it will make it dirty faster, requiring more maintenance from you.


The final bong I’ll mention is quite near and dear to my heart. Lots of my experience smoking comes from my years in college, when I was bakin’ on a budget - although my lungs probably hate me for it - I would have gone broke if I didn’t have my gravity bong with me! A gravity bong, hereafter referred to as a “geeb,” is easily the most efficient method for smoking weed. A geeb, if done properly, is meant to use all the bud packed into the bowl. Unlike other methods (bong, bowl, joint, etc) where bud is burning even when someone is not hitting it, the geeb makes sure not to waste any of your green. What this means is that when you rip a geeb you will be getting 3-4 normal hits all in one. The only real negative of a geeb is that it can get you too high, so novice users should proceed with caution. But other than that, they are easy to clean if you have a glass piece, (yes, they exist) or you just make a new one when your plastic bottle gets too dirty. And they are mostly stationary devices, so if yours is glass they rarely break. The geeb is best suited for two types of people; one, anyone on a tight budget that smokes every day, or two, anyone who wants to get as high as humanly possible. Before we wrap up the geeb talk, let me leave you with a story: My roommate and I were trying to smoke but had no bud, and our dealer wasn’t getting back to us. So being resourceful stoners, we went to our grinder and scraped every little bit of resin out of it, until we had barely enough for two hits, maybe a 10thof a gram. We took out our geeb, put a couple of small stems in for a base and ripped it. It didn’t blast me off, but it did the job and I was definitely stoned. With that tiny amount, it is a true testament to the power of a geeb.


Each bong serves its own unique purpose. Now obviously, all bongs do the trick. However, for the smart stoner, understanding the differences and benefits of each piece allows you to craft an ideal experience every time. The beaker bong is the perfect party bong, the percolated bong needs to be kept safe but delivers a pleasant and relaxing experience, and the geeb is what you need when you’re ready to blast the f**k off! Hope this helps you for your next trip to the smoke shop!

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